btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There r osticjed everywhere
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
