If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
