Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
