It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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