your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
