Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Come back. Shots need mouths.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
