I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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