thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
