He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
