I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I pour the whiskey from now on
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
