dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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