Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
