i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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