i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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