Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
