anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
sarcasm needs its own font
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
