He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
