i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
