I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
