i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
