Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
