when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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