Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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