so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he shaved USA in his pubs
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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