hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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