genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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