ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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