4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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