oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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