I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
