Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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