I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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