God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
