I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
