Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
