I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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