I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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