Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
