I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
