woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
