Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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