How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
