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some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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