i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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