I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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