hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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