Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
