i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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