The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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