Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
