So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
