He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
barbara walters just said penis...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
