I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
