just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
