You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
