I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
