She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize