we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
