If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
