Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
