hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
