How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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