I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
