4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
