The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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