my room smells like sperm. sweet.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize