I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize