Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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