my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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