you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
