we're chasing vodka with high fives
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize