mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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