Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i dont even know how to be here
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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