My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
