And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize