Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
