Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
