sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
