I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
