It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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