the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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