you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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