Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
