I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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