We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Be still, my beating vagina.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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