So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
home. puking in laundry basket.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
