I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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