I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
