i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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