So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
