She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
