so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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