just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
