he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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