so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
