All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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