bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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