Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
